Portrait in black and white
Written in Spanish and translated into German.
Novella on 74 pages.
Portrait in black and white
Copyright © Genoveva Serra Caselles, 2007
All rights reserved.
Deposito legal V- 909 - 2007
Pedreguer, June 1989
Translation, cover-design and layout:
Youth, beauty and wealth seem to be a legacy to us that without doubt offers a life in abundance and happiness. That is at least to be expected for a girl like the protagonist of this novella.
Along the way of her portrait in black and white the author introduces us in this dark world, obscure and with lack of brilliance, makes us familiar with an inheritance of values more powerful and more deeply rooted that only a mother is able to transmit to her daughter.
The strict observance of the maternal philosophy "not to mary the person you are in love with" potentiated by the premature death of the beloved man and the not-obedience to her inner voice make Magui come into a state of inner conflict with vitally importance preventing her to escape from.
A suffocating journey through a brain with a dominated mind by irrational powers that lead to the worst conceivable outcome.
(Text of the reverse)
When Magui came down the stairs, she could see the man she had shared worries with during the last night.
Daybreak was cloudless, one could suspect the heat to come with the day. Magui slowed down for a moment to let him step out into the street so that she could reach the telephone in the hall in order to call Hector. She named him that way when she was thinking of him, but his real name was Joe. They got to know many years from now and during their childhoods he always was the man to rely on. Hector picked up the receiver straightaway.
- It's me, Magui. May I drop by, or do you have too much work today?
- Well yes really, but IŽll expect you. Where are you hiding yourself? Will you come alone or with someone?
- I'm alone but have to speak with someone. I have to have a quiet chat with you. I know I lately have become a burden to everybody, but hope it won't be the same with you.
- Good Lord! You are talking about pricks of conscience, as matters stand, come on now, I'm waiting.
Magui put the phone down and still could perceive the noise of the other receiver while it was hung up. She stayed there thoughtful for some minutes, looked at the street, it was familiar to her, was her street. It was the place where she had grown up and had become an adult person, where she had learnt to laugh and to cry and where she experienced her first love.
When Magui seperated from her first husband she produced a kind of phobia for this street and its people where she once had felt comfortable. The new start was hard in the beginning, just from nowhere. Although Magui was of the opinion that one never started out of nothing, in the present time we all beared the consecuences of our bygone existence.
The morning air cooled her face, she opened her car and got in. The traffic lights, the noise, all looked as always, yet Magui knew that something had changed inside her during the last night, although she still couldn't really understand it. Possibly Hector will give me an explanation, he always knows everything.
She adored Hector, thought he were a living book of wisdom, in reality she respected him as if he was her father.
The car came to a standstill on a car park. While she was getting out she noticed a man who didn't let her out of his sight. She didnŽt give her away and left.
Hector opened at once, it smelled of recently made coffee. Magui took off her coat, gloves and hat and followed Hector. She noticed the scent of not yet lit up cigars.
Magui looked around, as if she had entered the room for the first time today. Hector hadn't still let the light in through the windows. She looked at him, for just one moment he seemed to be a stranger to her. Then he came up to her.
- Have a seat, Magui. What's wrong with you?
- Everything and nothing. I'm weary of love affairs by chance, there hadn't been too many lately but I'm yearning for something durable, I can't go on this way, last night I spent with a mafioso who nattered incessantly, he was drunk and told fearful things about drugs and murders. I'm still all in a shiver. But that is not all. The worst thing about it is that I don't know what to do with my liberty. I feel pressurized by the people, I think I'll get ill and it seems that is due to the lack of a backbone in my personality.
While Magui was speaking, Hector listened attentively, after all she wasn't any girl, she was Magui, the one he loved, but never didn't want to talk about it. Hector stood up and opened the curtains, a bright sunshine came in, the morning was wonderful.
- What about a coffee? You should have one.
- Yes, it's all right, but without milk and sugar.
Hector handed Magui the coffee and looked rigidly into her eyes.
- Why..., why this torture Magui? Why do you insist on ruining yourself? You and I, we could mary. I love you, Magui, I always have loved you.
- Simply because it wouldn' turn out well, you are my friend, but I don't love you as one loves a man and things don't work that way. Apart from that you are independent, I don't mean I would be a burden for you, but you'd better go on living as before, alone.
Magui stood up and approached one of the windows, the street already was a sheer bedlam at that hour. Noise, cars, during one moment she felt helpless. Hector was her only friend.
The room was nice, a friend of Hectors' had furnished it and the result was very convincing. Those classic furniture, the flowers, the vases and the plants, a place where to live. Hector had a good taste and money on top, as much as he liked. His father was a multimillionaire of the financial world. Apart from that Hector was a lawyer with good reputation and sufficient clientele for not to discontinue just one single moment.
Hector didn't stop to observe her. He watched how she crossed the room and felt that he adored her, that he was tied to her in one way or another.During their childhoods when they were playing together he always wanted to protect her, hold her in his arms. Since then that hadn't occured anymore and Hector noticed a great inner void.
Without a further word Magui took her things to leave.
- Hector, this is not the best moment to talk about it. I'm tired, I'll go home, I have to relax and to think about it. In this moment all in my head is confused.
- Magui, do you have still in mind to accept the job as a photographic model?
- Yes I think so. Apart from all I'll need it. I'll have to meet people, to laugh, live, breathe. I have to feel I'm living and, to be frank, I never felt well in this town.
Magui, we won't see us much if you leave.
- Who cares, at last you'll get rid of me, won't you?
She left in a rush and locked the door behind her. Hector felt great worry about that woman, thought all would go to pieces and all that didn't make any sense to him. He simply stayed ther sitting and staring into space. He didn't know what to do or what to think, he felt empty. Yes, that was the correct word.
to be continued ...